VALUE EACH OTHER

Perhaps the best advice we can give you about saving your marriage is to always value yourself and your partner. Never focus on the negatives about each other. Always emphasize the positives and force yourself to reflect upon them frequently. (The negatives tend to stand out all by themselves!)

In addition to valuing your own worth and the worth of your partner, learn to value the differences between you. Each of you probably has differing needs for intimacy, for communication, for expressing emotions, for time spent alone, etc. You also probably have different strengths, beliefs, preferences, past histories, and patterns of dealing with success and adversity.

Learn to value these differences rather than criticize each other for having them. Don't assume that your way of doing things, your point of view, or your past experiences are any more "right" or "valid" than your partner's. Each of you is a separate, distinct, and different human being. And each of you has a right to be who you are, and be loved and accepted just that way.

Another part of valuing each other is refusing to blame or criticize each other when things don't go a you wish. All people make mistakes, including your partner. Again, focus on what's "good" and "right" about your partner, rather than anything you might view as "bad" or "wrong."

Also, resist saying anything negative or critical about your partner in public, even to your best friends! You might be strongly tempted to do this, but it only devalues your relationship.

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